There and back again | Torres del Paine, Chile

I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since one of the most beautiful, fun, and challenging parts of a great journey came to end: 6 days in Torres del Paine.

Hiking and camping in the Chilean Patagonia alongside four awesome people was an unforgettable experience. And something I almost missed out on.

You’ll never mistake me for Bear Grylls. I have but a couple of knots in my repertoire, don’t know which berries are poisonous, and hadn’t been camping since I was in college. So, while I was a Boy Scout in two countries, I was hesitant to commit to such an extensive trek. Plus, 6 days without a shower is a scary thought for a metrosexual.

Luckily Mal and Josh, who are on a great journey of their own (BackpackAndBoleto.com) and are both extremely outdoorsy, insisted this noob join the fun. So when the stars and planets aligned on dates and I found a cheap flight ($110 RT; thank you SKY airlines!) from Santiago, I committed. And I’m damn glad I did.

So it begins

I arrived in Puerto Natales on the 17th, ramen and Tabasco sauce in hand (both important for the trek), after spending the previous two nights in El Calafate, Argentina, exploring the gorgeous Perito Moreno glacier (260 ARS park admission; 1500 ARS for the fun mini ice Trek), trying mate for the first time (shout-out to Fabián, our tour guide), and surviving Las Carretas, a hostel whose kitchen and bathroom situation can best be described as “inspired by the movie Saw.” But, it was the cheapest in the city by far at $10 a night, short-term, and where I met Lauren, who was gonna do the trek on her own over the same days. I suggested she join us, as the more, the merrier!

St. Patrick’s Day was good to us, starting with a kick-ass info session on Torres del Paine at Erratic Rock/Base Camp (which put me at ease about what I was in for; not as bad as I had imagined) and ending with a celebration that went from “let’s go get a Guinness” to a “Super Sláinte” that escalated into mulled wine/navegado (Gato!), whiskey, beer, Bailey’s, karaoke, pissed-off roommates in a 14-bed dorm, and hangovers reaaaal quick. C’est la vie, as the Irish would say.

After a bomb breakfast to combat the morning malaise and some last-second shopping, we welcomed Rachel to the group, finalized our rentals (3000 CLP for a sleeping bag, 3000 CLP for a tent, and 1000 CLP for a horrible pad, per day), finished packing, and hit the road.

3 hours, 18,000 CLP (park admission), one armadillo, and some uneasy moments on the bus thanks to St. Patrick later, we arrived at the administrative building and set off on an unreal journey, which I’ll try to briefly summarize so you can get to the pictures, which won’t do this place justice anyway, but will do a much better job than my narrative.

We did the popular W circuit (some campsites and parts of the trail were buuuusy), with the added bonus of a stay at an empty Camp Las Carretas our first night. This resulted in an easy first day (only a 3-hour hungover hike for some of us) and a glorious intro to the beauty of the park the following morning (the so-called Red Carpet). So worth it!

Suffice it to say I felt like a hobbit hiking through Middle-Earth the entire six days due to the jaw-dropping scenery at Torres del Paine, except that instead of Elven bread, I had packs of Kukys, and instead of Gandalf, we had Josh, who is truly a wizard when it comes to life in the great outdoors.

50+ miles of hiking at Torres del Paine included:

• Some of the most spectacular landscapes I’ve ever set feet and eyes on – turquoise lakes, fast-moving rivers, majestic mountains, insanely blue icebergs, immense, craggy glaciers, forests decimated by fire, forests full of lush foliage, grasslands, gushing waterfalls, snow-capped granite peaks, and a pair of thunderous avalanches. Torres del Paine was named the 5th most beautiful place on earth by National Geographic for good reason.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

• Crazy-ass weather – They’d warned us that forecasts aren’t a thing in Torres del Paine because you can experience four seasons in one day. It was true.
  • Wind: we survived some of the most wicked, persistent winds I’ve ever experienced. Head winds, tail winds, side winds. It made the rain & dirt painfully exfoliate faces, knocked people off balance, stopped us dead in our tracks at times, kept us sleepless a couple of nights, and even ripped a tent.

    

  • Rain: The rain situation at night might have sounded worse than it really was, but it definitely soaked our gear and, in conjuction with the wind, kept me up. We lucked out with the wet stuff primarily hitting us overnight.

    

  • Snow!: At the end of our adventure, on our last morning, we were set to see a spectacular sunrise at the namesake peaks of the park. Instead, we got a snow flurry and very little visibility. Wild (but some good planning on Josh and Mallori’s part allowed us to see the famed Torres del Paine in their full glory the day before, when it was clear).

    

    

• An insane amount of rainbows throughout, especially the first two days.

  

  

  

  

  

• An equally insane amount of cookies consumed throughout, especially every single day.
• Great conversation – mostly about real food we missed (In-N-Out vs Five Guys vs Whataburger; birthday cake Oreos; Cafe Rio; Merken Sushi; mac & cheese) and celebrities (encounters, Ryan Reynolds vs Ryan Gosling, 2Pac vs Biggie, and Taylor Swift, because I love and respect her and can totally sing Shake It Off better than my niece, even without my hella good hair, and even when I, uh, fall off the karaoke stage. Miss her like crazy!)

  

  

• Some awesome suspension bridges, one of which an idiot almost died at, trying to reach for his rain fly.

  

  

  

  

• Some not-so-awesome uphills on the last full day, heading to Torres del Paine.
• Very little wildlife – Literally. On our first night a mouse (or mice) bit holes through 2 out of 3 tents and invited themselves to quite a bit of our food. We learned our lesson and bear-bagged it the rest of the way, where we really only encountered birds & a fox (it didn’t say anything).

  

• Wine at Club Cuernos – after booting people off the last remaining tent platforms because we said so (felt kinda bad…but not really), prior to a glorious shower, and just hours before the wind absolutely blasted Camp Cuernos, we enjoyed three liters of delicious Clos Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon (in a box, of course) in the dark and EDM-y ambiance of the bar at the lodge. It hit the spot. Yes, there are rustic lodges (refugios) at a couple of the camps for those not on a budget (there was a heli-pad at this one, just sayin’). Some of  those people judged us for using hot shower water for coffee in the a.m.! Haters gonna hate.

  

• A heaping serving of the tastiest Mac & Cheese. Ever. – We had some great meals on the trail, but, damn, Josh and Mallori saved the best for last, as our final dinner was a sight to behold.

  

  

  

  

  

We wrapped up our time at Torres del Paine with some surprises.

As I mentioned, we got snow and terrible visibility on our last morning there. Josh, Mallori, and I hiked up in the dark and suffered though some cold temps just to see this epic sunrise, but Mother Nature had other plans.

And so did Josh, apparently, as, just before we threw in the towel on any sunshine and hiked back to pack up camp, he dropped to one knee and asked Mallori to marry him! It was pretty dope to share that moment with them, as I had no idea it was coming. Neither did Mal, though, as she first thought Josh was joking!

The bus ride home was a welcome chance to sit down for a few hours, as we were all pretty beat after so much epic hiking.

We rewarded ourselves with lots of good beer and pizza that night at Mesita Grande (recommended!) in Puerto Natales. Between the engagement and the feeling of accomplishment after slaying the W, we had good reason to celebrate.

But the celebration didn’t last long for me, unfortunately. I had to catch the last bus to Punta Arenas (3 hours) that night to make my 6 am flight to Santiago the next day. I’ve come close to missing a few buses before, but not this close,

So much at stake (it was the only flight that would get me back to Santiago in time for the Chile vs Argentina World Cup Qualifier match I had a ticket to)! But, also, so much stuff in my backpack that the mile-long sprint to the bus station was far slower than I anticipated.

I arrived on time, sweaty and in need of water, by one minute, was the last passenger to board, and we left 20 seconds later. Whew.

The bus dropped me off at the airport at midnight and I suffered through the following five hours in the prayer room, where I was severely punished by the travel gods. It was cold, the tile floor was hard, and I slept very little, primarily because the canned music loop at the airport was so damn loud.

I’m happy that Rihanna found love in a hopeless place (over, and over, and over; it was the only song they had), but I really wish it had been a place other than Punta Arenas airport.

Despite the resteless night, I got on the plane with a huge smile, thanks to an absolutely unforgettable adventure at Torres del Paine. I’m still trying to process all that beauty! Get there before it gets even more crowded, kids.